Sunday 19 August 2012

Just checking the armoury.

Several exchanges on a CFS / ME site I inhabit have highlighted the issues of depression and ME, in the last couple of days.  A lot of people are struggling.
And I have a lot of history in the area, though I'm not in the depths at the moment.

A good low impact activity for  my "rest" mode is mulling, as long as concentration and excitement are avoided, so the discussions (with many people far worse-placed than me) prompted the idea of doing a quick observation my mood and check on my tools for monitoring and managing it.

My mood is generally fair, I reckon.  Hardly elated, but that was a rare event even before the ME came along.  I can get up to "pleased" fairly reliably, if the situation calls for it.

Pills.  No change since an unorthodox combination was tried on me by the consultant in charge of the ECT suite I had been referred to, my depression then having got that far.  Most effective I've ever had, so we're leaving this well alone
Only issue there is making sure my repeats reach me, as collecting my own is becoming less and less a good idea.

Talk therapies?  Don't need currently, but little worthwhile available locally: I was better-informed than the last two therapists who tried to help.

Social life and company?  Well, I'm odd of course.  Much social interaction is a drain, not a resource, for me.
With the significant exception of physical hugs, the internet really does provide what I seem to need.  Especially since I have so little energy to invest in contacts and relationships.  Two support groups, a couple Skype contacts in addition to my parents and brother.  A small world indeed, but mine own.
More might be more than I could cope with.
Except for hugs.  I have no answer there.

Routine versus variety?
Day-to-day chores and activities are stable, for now, with help.  I detect that the  lack of variety of things to do is a risk to my mood. Not easy to stretch that.  Something to have more of a mull on.  I'm good on my own, but reading and model-making, major hobbies, are very badly curtailed by the ME. Garden work and DIY too.  Colour this orange.

Bloody-mindedness.   Check.
Black and twisted sense of humour. Check
Appreciation of the absurd.   Check.
Self-esteem safely disconnected from job status or income.  Check.
Unrealistic perceptions of fairness of world eliminated.   Check.
Illness accepted.  Check.
Possibility but not promise of recovery understood.  Check.

Hmm.  Apart from the actual situation, it's not looking too bad.

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