Wednesday 20 June 2012

Aftermath, but not Armageddon.

Well, that wasn't much fun.
Even less so than anticipated.
Pacing, pacing, pacing.  Knowing your limits for activity and stamina and respecting them.
Good groundwork for CFS, but even knowing that, difficult to keep to.
Unfortunately I'm an addict.  I've a long-established "doing things" habit.
And it's not easy to give it up.
Partly it's physical reflex, habituation of mind and body, but there can be psychological factors too, tied in with identity, purpose, status and self-esteem.
"Who are you?" so often links to "what do you do?".   That can need rethinking when the obvious  answer is from the "not much" family, and isn't attached to a career, sport or major hobby any more.

Chronic Fatigue Anonymous?
"Hello, my names Chris and I'm an addict... I've been working on not overdosing on activity for eighteen months now, one day at a time.
Sometimes I slip, and do some gardening or cleaning.  I know what it does to me, but the need just gets too great.  Slowly, I'm learning..."

Trouble is, of course, going to meetings and in my case talking to people is high-drain activity in itself.  Catch 23?   Anything aimed at helping people with CFS also tends to be activity, and should be very strictly on the ration.

Today, I'm just running on a bit more in the way of aching muscles and jelly legs than the level of such that I can get to if I'm good and very self-limiting.
On a good day it's a bit like having 'flu, without the raised temperature, (though feeling hot or cold independent of the actual temperature, and suddenly pouring with sweat for no reason are common symptoms.)

At least one more extra-go-easy-day is called for.  If I can do it.
It's a matter of prioritising.
Am I this far gone?  

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