If optimistic, I could take it as a possible precursor to a more active tomorrow. We shall see.
But, lying down and hugging pillows, in between the actual sleep and the listening to the radio there was more than enough to meditate, contemplate, mull over or just think about one big irritation with my CFS. One that's hard to be neutral and accepting about, even if that's the best approach.
When horizontal, still and comfortable the muscle aches and pains are minimal, the fatigue is not really apparent, and there is no significant issue with balance or vertigo: a gentle rocking sensation can even be filed under "nice" at such times.
But the tinnitus. That does not let up for being still and quiet. Almost the reverse.
Snap, crackle, pop, and whine.
Much louder and more varied than the constant even tone I had more or less become accustomed to in the previous thirty years, before the first symptoms of CFS (or possibly its precipitating virus) appeared.
Masking, background sounds... headphones, I've tried a variety, but with little success. White noise loud enough to mask the tinnitus is pretty much akin to standing under a major waterfall.
(I've actually done that:
..the bottom of the Sutherland Falls, near the Milford Track, New Zealand. But I digress.)
I'm OK, so far. But of all the bits of CFS that have the potential to drag me down, the new tinnitus is the one I suspect is most likely to prove difficult to cope with in the long run. And I hear no sound of cavalry hooves from just over the brow of the hill. Just the usual.
I am OK, for now, honest.
The stoicism and the black humour are holding out.
Post a Comment