Wednesday 5 September 2012

Two steps back?

Very much a do-nothing day.  Marked muscle ache just from doing too much yesterday means I did little but assume a horizontal position today.
No work on house, garden, trains...  It was very little more, indeed, than letting my cleaner in.  I was fast asleep when she left.

But yesterday was not full of physical activity.  The main unexpected demand was handling a phone call from the BBC and thinking about what to say, and considering variations and options, and how to be brief.
(I hate phone-ins where people waffle or don't speak to the point.)

No, not physical activity, but mental: concentration, hard, conscious, focussed thought.  And that's very tiring too, and comes under the "limited energy budget" limitations.
That's why reading is now very tiring: it's not principally an eyesight problem but an information-processing one.
I live with a thousand friends, but they now have a very limited ability to speak to me.

Emotional activity subtracts from the same tight budget too... getting excited, or getting angry, costs.
Raging against CFS only exacerbates it.
Bursts of enthusiasm can very much feel good: why should they not?
But they cost, they really cost.

It seems that a Buddhist-like calm is the way to go,
as long as it doesn't take too much effort or concentration to achieve it.
Did I mention Catch-22?

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